Drugs were not my problem. They were my solution. Self harm was not my problem. It was my solution. Violence was not my problem. It was my solution. A solution to a problem so deep it made me cringe at the thought of admitting it publicly, let alone to myself.
Recognizing these underlying causes and conditions that drive us to such extreme lengths is painstaking to say the least, but the reality of the situation is you are one of the fortunate ones if you get this opportunity; an opportunity to see clearly into who you are, without the rose-colored glasses of ego or the self deprecation of shame. It will not be comfortable, but nothing can change until the truth is brought to light.
This is a fact-finding fact facing mission, this is a hunt. It is not for the faint of heart. This is what a True Warrior is made of. A True Warrior is one who hunts themselves. For once you hunt yourself, you can integrate your darkness and make changes necessary for you to not only tolerate yourself, but to actually be a useful agent on this planet and leave more of a legacy besides….questionable memories.
I once thought it was possible to either be great and make a positive change, or just go through life useless. But no. its deeper than that. You can leave absolute hell in your wake. Your pain, your secrets, your karma, it does not die with you, it is transferred to those still living and tied to you. People love to talk when someone dies. Make sure they speak truthful words and that those words are something you’d be comfortable as having your legacy be. Dont let your life be a question mark, leaving a wake of chaos and confusion in your departure. You can fuck shit up just as bad in death as you can in life, depending on how you lived. You can also wind up saving someones life who would have otherwise died, just by dying yourself, because sometimes, we don't fully recognize how much we love or admire or have learned from someone, until they are gone. I remember when I got sober, someone told me "some of us have to die so others can live". I hated that, I though that made no fucking sense and was ice cold, probably some religious rooted bullshit. As the years have passed, I know what they mean now. Its a hard pill to swallow and you wont get it until you walk through it, but you will. After all, none of us get out alive.
We need to wake up now. We need each other now. Thats what motivated me to write the song thats coming out on Friday morning, True Warriors Hunt Themselves. Well, the song isnt my newest, but the music video is. I never did visuals for it, but it hit home with a lot of people, and with how much I’ve watched society deteriorate, I knew it needed a fucking video. The story needs to be told again, differently. You’ll understand what I mean when you see it.
In this song, I’m addressing narcissism and fear-based behaviors here that run rampant in society, even within myself. If I create damage or spit venom into the river of life or into the veins of my fellows I have to atone for that shit immediately. But I spent a lifetime not only not giving a fuck, but being so blind to my behavior that a lot of these, I genuinely did not know that I had. To my horror I had to be called out by other people who could see them plain as day when analyzing me, but I was blind to them.
Why was I blind to them? Well why do we lie to other people? It’s so we can get away with whatever the fuck we were doing. Why do we lie to ourselves? Same thing. It’s a survival mechanism and it’s only to justify actions that we know our higher consciousness would not allow. When we lie to ourselves, we don’t know we are lying to ourselves. This is why a hunt is necessary, and often those we meet along the way point out truths that leave us feeling exposed, resentful, ashamed. Those people are saving our lives. None of this is comfortable, but there is no room for growth in a comfort zone, and no room for comfort in a growth zone.
I am calling on and begging you to step out of your fucking shell and share yourself with the world because we need you. I need you.
I am on this road with you and will continue to do the same. I fall short all the time but I am in this daily. My journey started 12 years ago. The road has not lightened, it has only changed course.
I look forward to finding you here. The link to the video can be found below, if you’re reading this email before it has been released on Friday 11/19 at 9AM, hit subscribe so you can be notified of the premiere when it goes live. Otherwise, the link should just display as the actual music video on YouTube.
If you dig it, please share. Lots has happened lately that has led me to rethink even the way that I approach music. How I want to be so much more intentional on being message-based, especially given the shit I’ve been through and lessons I’ve learned and am still learning. As I watch my loved ones die, I am reminded again and again that I’m not just living for myself. If I’m gonna be here, I need to be useful, until it is my time to go. I owe it to the ones who are here, and the ones who are not. So may whoever will benefit by hearing these lyrics, hear these lyrics. Much love to you all.