Not too long ago I almost ended my life. Days later I had an unbelievable breakthrough and asked myself this:
“What if what you’re about to experience isnt gonna be a repeat of all the bullshit in the past, what if it’s going to be something better than you’ve ever experienced before?”
Then I upped it.
“What you are about to experience is better than anything you could ever conceive. Life is going to be better than anything you have ever known.”
At that point, I committed myself to 3 things: Courage, Optimism, and Enthusiasm. I know beneath the layers of programming and trauma and bullshit, that’s who I am. I got very far from those things throughout the years, but especially in the last 7-8. It even shows physically- took a huge toll on my body when I went through a breakdown on every level in 2015. I’m more than 20 lbs underweight- that’s how much the stress I’ve been under has done, despite years of trying to gain it back. I had a number of other health problems manifest, ranging from chronic pain to pre-cancerous issues that required medical procedures to remove.
I moved across the country a month ago, I’m working with a nutritionist to gain weight, exercising, tending to my recovery, spirituality, making music, writing, developing new relationships, and staying on the path of a higher vibrational way of living; getting closer to the magic of the universe, where I am in a constant state of flow.
This is the first time that I was okay with saying, yeah, I’m an optimist. That doesn’t mean the annoying ass “head in the sand everything fine nothing strange around these parts” attitude, a lot of the stuff I am inspired by are things that are considered to be dark or scary.
Optimism for me is about being solution based and aware of blessings regardless of what else is going on, instead of spewing anger and complaints and aggression 24/7. If I notice angry and violent thoughts (which used to be a constant) start creeping back, I snap myself out of that shit, because what I have discovered is my words are spells that change the way the universe responds to me. So are my thoughts. So are the conversations I have. So is my general mood and energy.
Everything emits a frequency that carries data to our subconscious programming, and if in an unconscious state, it’s always being fueled to keep repeating shit that makes us suffer. It also sends that shit out to the universe, and the universe will respond. Not because it is doing anything out of malice, the universe isn’t “good” or “bad”, it’s whatever the fuck we decide it is- meaning its neutral. What we emit, we get back- thats the basic law of attraction. We attract what we are, not what we want. Our circumstances are often reflections of our actions, not our wishes. Actions stem from thought. Thought stems from our state of mind and spirit.
I used to hate people who were “optimists” because I thought it meant they were dumb as shit. How could they not see all this horrible stuff in the world? Some people are dumb as shit and willfully ignorant, but thats not what optimism is to me. I don’t think it is to many people actually. It’s choosing to strive, keep the faith and remain solution focused, being careful to not drag yourself down (or be around people whose energy will drag you down - especially when you’re going through shit and in a vulnerable place).
It means believing shits gonna work out, and having faith that if we don’t know HOW something’s going to work out, the answer will reveal itself, that door will present itself- leave that shit to the universe and keep doing the next right thing to head in that direction. The specifics will present themselves if we cannot see them yet.
So it’s about having a relationship with more than just your own mind/self, its about having a relationship with the Higher self, and a relationship with the magic of the universe. When people say God or Creator or Goddess or anything— I’m talking about that same divine infinite force. It is magic to me.
I do not belong to any religion, but I do believe in a divine intelligent force in this universe, and I also believe we are part of that- not separate.
Separateness causes suffering, addiction, mental illness, suicide, homicide, all the fuckshit you can imagine. Connection, true authentic connection, with self and everything around you, that is the medicine to anything you can think of. It doesn’t mean you won’t have challenges in life, but when you’re in a connected state, you are supported through anything you go through. I could go on about this forever, but I want to get into the main topic now:
This spawned from something I posted on social media yesterday, and I was like shit, I should blog on this to elaborate, because I know a lot of people right now who feel very alone and hopeless. They feel depressed, anxious, just shitty as fuck. I was in that place for a LONG time. When I left Oregon, not knowing what the fuck was laying ahead of me, just knowing I wasn’t quite ready to die yet, knowing I had a purpose on earth and had to do it, not only for myself, but for my loved ones who have died, and the people still alive on this planet, that’s when everything changed. I packed my Honda and dipped the fuck out. Moved across the country. i jumped right in immediately, and here’s what I’ve found so far:
I’ve found so much I still haven’t processed half of it, and it continues to pile on every day, which is awesome. But here’s what I’ve seen: A huge amount of like minded people who are all on the same wave- when I mean wave I’m not just talking about music. Of course there’s music people here, and TONS of opportunity and resources and amazing shit to do, that’s why I chose Nashville, but the reason why I chose Nashville and did not go back to LA is because I wanted to be around people who were aware of the tyrannical agenda playing out on earth right now. I wanted that community because I wanted to be in the solution, not a sitting duck, and not in an environment where people either refused to see it, or were conditioned by our weaponized media and cultural echo chambers to cheer it on and see it as a good thing.
Fine, let them, I’m not interested in trying to change anybody. I already know where I’m at. I had just never had the experience of being around huge amounts of people who were either where I was at, or way further down the journey. The journey of self-sufficiency, community organizing, meetups, security, defense, growing your own food, forming your own economy, and getting out of the slave system/matrix of living paycheck to paycheck, not owning shit, drowning in rising expenses/debt, and most importantly, depending on an increasingly unreliable and predictably unpredictable system.
Think about it: what would you do right now if the power grid went down? That means no water, no lights, no phone, no heat or ac if you need that to survive in your climate, again I say NO PHONE, so you cant call anyone, no GPS if you live in a place where you rely on it, also are you aware of what follows something like that?
Panic. Runs on gas stations until its all gone. Runs on grocery stores until its all gone. Runs on pharmacies until its all gone. Everything you go to a store for, everything you use money for- gone. Are you ready for that? Most people are not.
Violence ensues immediately. I’ve seen it first hand and it’s fucking terrifying. It’s not like “normal” violence. Have you ever inventoried the extent of your dependency on this social structure, and are you aware that it can literally all be shut off electronically? When the violence comes, think about it. Especially if you have kids. What lengths are you willing to go to when you need to secure not only your survival, but the survival of your dependents?
People will break into houses, rob, kill, steal, they will do anything when they are pushed that far. It is not a moral issue, it is basic human instinct when you are pushed to the limit. Everyone is capable of it, I don’t care what you think about yourself- survival is engrained in you and you cannot get rid of that. Don’t underestimate other people either, that’s the worst thing you can do.
I do not encourage assault or initiation of violence, but self-defense I do. Do you have the means to defend yourself, your community, your family, loved ones, and whatever resources you need to survive? Because if you don’t, someone is going to take them from you, and you’ll likely get killed in the process.
Then there’s that part of society that will also just kill you for no reason- that already happens, but many people are sheltered from that. When society collapses, no one is sheltered from that- unless you’re in the ruling class and have one of those underground New Zealand bunkers meant to last years and is stocked with food, water, medicine, and weapons. Even then you’re on limited time, but you at least won’t be out here with the rest of the world as it tares itself apart.
You can do something before it comes down to that. Some people don’t think that scenario is possible. That’s fine, go ahead and think that, you’ll figure it out when it’s too late and maybe you’ll survive. I don’t know when this will happen but I know it will. There are hundreds of years worth of information that point to that (no I
I’m not talking about the Bible or the book of revelations) and we literally have global leaders telling us this shit is going to happen, there are documents from their global summits and books they put out that detail scenarios like this. Look at what happened in 2020. Look at whats happening even now with the food shortages, with constant warns of cyber attacks, bioweapons, riots, rising inflation, volatile markets— this ship is designed to sink. If you know what the Great Reset/Agenda 2030 is then you understand this. If you don’t, start there. Work your way backward, forward, or both.
It’s literally in plain sight, this isn’t a conspiracy theory. It’s their own plan and their own words coming from their mouths. In order to have a Great Reset- In order to Build BACK Better- well that implies something has been destroyed, right? If you have to reset something, then everything has to go away. If something has to be Built BACK, it means something got torn down. If you think the way life is now is as bad as it is, I hate to break it to you but the last few years have been a dry run. They execute their plan in stages. They play chess while we live on a Monday thru Friday calendar we can barely manage with all the stress and distractions of society. So we barely manage checkers in that state of mind. Also they need to condition people, which has worked almost flawlessly. You can’t just tare everything apart all at once, look at any dictatorship in history and how that was allowed to happen without an entire nation revolting. The ruling class is and always has been a MUCH smaller group than the rest of the population- the ruled. How do they get away with it?
Compliance- whether conscious or unconscious. They don’t have resistance. If their propaganda is on point, they actually have support. So now what?
Lets get to the solution. You can do deep dives on anything and everything on your own time, I have a ton of resources in my telegram https://t.me/thegreatsilencinguncensored and there are resources FAR beyond that, information is everywhere. Start pulling a string and it’ll start unraveling.
Anyway, so that whole scenario. Ever since I saw the way people behaved the summer of 2020, and I’m no stranger to dark evil shit people do in life believe me, but when I observed what I did in my neighborhood in the city I lived in, people who were just watching it on TV thought “oh wow thats really bad, its just the riots though.” Some people thought it was cool, like watching a movie. That’s because they were safe in their houses far far away. They weren’t having to evacuate because someone threw a Molotov into their apartment, they weren’t having to associate constant flash bangs as white noise in order to get through each night, as buildings burned on their street and grown men in the neighborhood with a look of terror on their face told them to stay inside because everyone outside had guns and was ready to fight. Even some people in better or different parts of the city didn’t see or experience the same thing. You had to be in the shit.
The violence didn’t die down after the riots, it actually got worse. I watched it, I survived within it, I analyzed my vulnerabilities, I had a situation where I had to defend myself and I actually wound up in jail over it- which was fucking retarded, being that people can be murdered or beaten half to death and the cops wont show up for that, but they’ll show up for me apparently. I was aware I was living in an area where shit was crazy and I could get killed at any minute, the only means of self defense I had was removed by police and I no longer had access to what I needed to truly have a shot if someone came through my door (or just ran at me if I went outside, as that’ll happen at random in some areas.)
I was like holy shit, I’m a skinny ass female with no weapons, no backstock of resources, literally nothing except awareness as to how fast things were heating up and how increasingly violent things were becoming. People were even turning the violence on themselves and committing or attempting suicide. I knew I was alone, and I damn sure knew no one was coming to save or protect me. All I had was myself. So after a long time of being stubborn as fuck and refusing to leave, I came to the realization that if I stayed in that environment any longer, I’d either lose my life, or I’d wind up doing something that’d land me in prison for the rest of my life (so either way I’d lose my life), so I left that city that I had worked so hard to get to, and that I had loved so much prior to the lockdown, and went back to Oregon.
I still rarely talk about *EVERYTHING* that went down, but there’s the short non-detailed version. But I saw what people are capable of when they are that afraid, because they were in a situation where they couldn’t provide for themselves or their families, and everything they had once known was gone overnight. That is a different type of violence you are dealing with, when people are in that state of shock, panic, scarcity and fear. You aren’t dealing with “criminals” or “violent people”, you’re dealing with someone operating from the animalistic part of the human brain- the part that will do whatever it thinks it needs to do to survive, without hesitation.
You don’t want to be unprepared and in the crossfire or at ground zero when all that energy is building and people start taking it out on each other. You think cops or security will protect you? No.
So I began to think. Okay, I am still married to music on a soul level, that’s going to be part of my life forever in this incarnation. We’re not tossing that aside. But what we’re making room for is how to survive. At the time I did not have many people I could talk to about this, the few I did were not people who lived anywhere near me, with the exception of one person. We were few, and scattered all around the world. That’s cool for emotional support and all, but not real world survival. I knew I had to go back to my hometown, reset, and plan a new trajectory. I knew I had to minimize my dependency on this system, I know our so called leaders cannot be trusted, and the fact that we look to someone to lead the trajectory of our lives in the first place is an insane concept to me in general, so what to do?
I had to change my location without a doubt, I knew I needed to be near certain things. Communities who were aware of this shit and were prepared (or on the path to being prepared) if/when another event like that goes down. I wanted to be in an area that had natural resources and a lot of space to dip the fuck out into if need be- being stuck in an inner city with millions of people is the worst place you can be when shit like that happens. I knew I needed to be in a place where you actually had the right to defend yourself (so less regulation on gun laws- did you know if someone enters your house and tries to rob or kill you and you shoot them, you can catch a murder charge for that in some states? I used to live in one of those states.)
And then there was the music piece- for as long as this society is still running, I wanted to be near a music hub- it kinda feels like living two different lives, but there is a way to merge it once you step into a solution. How thats exactly going to look, I don’t know yet, but that’s the piece where you allow the universe to do its thing and you do yours, you don’t have to have every piece figured out before you take action, or you wind up in “analysis paralysis” and fuuuuck that. I spent years of my life in analysis paralysis- not wasting any more time. So that’s why I chose the location I did. And as soon as I got out here…
Within days I was linked with tons of people- amazing people- with such a diverse amount of things they each brought to the table. All are peaceful too, just because someone wants to protect themselves and doesn’t want to be part of a sinking ship doesn’t mean they’re some sort of terrorist, although the media/state will have you believe that for sure. These are just regular ass people who all have different things to offer, and are building their own sustainable communities and economies, and opting out of the dying one we know as “society”. That doesn’t mean they’re hermits and never leave the house- often quite the opposite. It doesn’t mean you don’t participate in life. You kinda have to exist in two worlds at once, on multiple levels.
I met so many people who weren’t scared, they weren’t hopeless, they weren’t depressed, they were HAPPY. They were hopeful. They were making shit happen and helping others.
They were freely sharing their knowledge and resources. And every single one of them- for the first time ever- were people I could speak my mind around in an insanely large group and no one flipped shit and told me to go die because I wasn’t vaccinated, or some wacked mockingbird script like that. I didn’t have to deal with any blank stares because it didn’t register, only to watch them immediately turn back to scrolling through tiktok and talking about nothing. There was none of that anymore.
If you’re feeling like something’s off in the world, something isnt right, don’t let someone gaslight you into telling you your intuition is wrong. It isnt. Our intuitions are never wrong. Some of us just aren’t in touch with ours, so we don’t get the same messages. And for some of us, we have different paths, and different belief systems. It’s whatever. I have no desire to debate or change anyones mind, I’m just doing what I need to do to live the life that I want to live, as opposed to being surrounded by shit that is in total incongruence with who I am and what I see/believe/feel/value.
By the way, this isn’t an insult to people from my home town, there are people there that are just as much on board with what I’m talking about as me or anyone else involved in the freedom movement. This is not a political movement. No politician is going to have the answer for you- that system is vile and corrupt at its root and always has been. There is no freedom as long as a ruling class exists.
Freedom means being able to live the life you want to live and not be restricted, oppressed, assaulted, killed or robbed by a ruling authority. Community living is collaborative, it is connected, it is resource and skill based, it is people who take responsibility for their own lives and empower others to do the same; it’s a working ecosystem of collaborative efforts.
We as humans have the capability to love, to care, to protect, to provide, to create, to innovate, to do more than just survive- to thrive. We are meant to be together. We are meant to have open and connected hearts. We are not solitary creatures. But we have been programmed to be that way— and that is by design.
Shortly after I landed in Tennessee, I went to a freedom festival in Texas. The people I met there blew me away. I’ve been back in Tennessee for over a week now, and I still talk to almost everyone I met at that festival on a daily basis. I’m actually going to be seeing some of them in the very near future. Same situation: we all have one thing in common- the desire to live free, to experience and build something new. Other than that, it’s all types of people. Everyone has something to offer, everyone has a gift, everyone has their own energy and attitudes they bring to the table, everyone literally makes not only theirs but the lives around them better just by showing up. Just by being present, conscious, and giving a shit. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, that side of humanity, which lives within I think mostly all of us.
If you are someone who is in the same situation I was in up until recently, you’re alone, you feel like you have no one to talk to, no resources, just know that there is a way for you tot connect. You might actually have people in your area that you’re unaware of. it turns out that was the case for me. There were people in my home town and home state that were doing this work and well aware of what was going on, but because discourse was so limited, and everything so censored online (and that’s where so much communication happens), I had no fucking idea. I found out after I left actually— ironically some of those people left around the same time I did for the same reasons, and that’s how I found out.
That is why I highly suggest going to www.freedomcells.org and at least starting there. Type in your city. If there are any near you, they’ll pop up. If there aren’t, and you are not able to move, I’d suggest adding yourself so other people can find you when they look, so they aren’t looking at a blank map. You don’t have to put in your personal information, just a way to contact you and the general area you may be located in. K
If there’s nothing there, talk to people in other cities because they might know people. Get on telegram, you’re not going to find these conversations on mainstream social media a. because they’re censored as fuck. As a musician who promotes on socials I’ve nearly decimated my shit as a result of saying pretty lowkey stuff but high key enough to get strike after strike to where I barely have any reach, so on one hand fuck it, it is what it is, on the other hand you have to spread out and move differently.
Get on discord. Get on Telegram. Get on Gab. You might be able to find some of these people on the mainstream platforms where they don’t fully get into it, but they get into it enough and they’ll direct you to their website, their discord server, or their telegram, where you can really get into asking questions about how you can get linked up. You can also learn A LOT, as we’re never done with that. There will always be someone who has more knowledge than you, and we all have our blind spots and things we are ignorant to.
Some of you still might have to relocate. If you’re in a place that is the polar opposite reflection of the life you want to live, get the fuck out. Our minds make it very complicated, but it’s really not- it just requires you being willing to take a risk and take the leap without knowing how you’ll land, or what its gonna be like when you do. Get clear on what your needs/wants/desires/interests/values are and find out where those are best reflected and fucking go. Remember when I said we attract what we are? You will attract like minds.
There are always resources, and you can always email me if you feel like you’re in a fucked situation and need help or need to talk about it - I’ll direct you to my non google email address for that conversation because those fuckers have done quite the number on those of us who have expressed opinions criticizing the narrative, so email firstname.lastname@example.org as it is an encrypted server. You can also direct message me on telegram. The channel that gets into all the Agenda shit and also topics like this is https://t.me/thegreatsilencinguncensored, and then I have a telegram for music and personal life vlogs where I share experiences that can be beneficial to others, or they might just be about the journey I’m on, but either way its shit that I don’t want on the main social media platforms- that channel is https://t.me/tesstamonamusic. Also I’d suggest downloading the app Signal, as it is an encrypted text messaging and phone call app, its still your number, if your friends have Signal they’ll show up and you can call or text them through it- do NOT use WhatsApp because that is owned by Facebook, and that’s a great way to get completely wiped off the internet. Google is not your friend, Twitter, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, that shit is all bad, but I’m still on all those platforms (I fucking hate tiktok I dont even know why I have one.. well for music, but I rarely use it) but I don’t get INTO the shit in a major way there, I redirect traffic from there to telegram, or to my website/blog, where I can speak freely like I am now. That’s what a lot of other people do too.
Once you start finding them and following them off the mainstream channels and onto the alternative media platforms, you’ll get better information and you can find communities. If you don’t have one in your area and there’s no one of like mind to start something with, move. I drove across the country with hardly any money, I basically had enough to get here and a little tiny extra, and I happen to be a food delivery driver on some of the many apps people use to order food, so I just started delivering food immediately and started making money right away. Found an abundance of gig work too. I didn’t need to have the job lined up, or the living situation locked in, I needed to get the fuck out of there. The rest can be handled much easier here.
I understand some people have families and they need a bit more certainty— there’s still ways to do it. If you’ve been surviving where you’re at, you can survive somewhere else. Just get there. It might be really fucking hard at first, but the payoff is a better life where you can thrive, instead of being in a constant state of lack of fulfillment, unhappiness, being broke as fuck and unable to afford housing, and totally unprepared for the next wave of shit to hit. If we feel like we aren’t living, just surviving, what kind of future are we creating not only for ourselves but also for the kids? We’ve all been programmed to stay in line, follow a certain course of action, play it safe, yada yada- again, that is by design. There are so many people out there that feel so alone, and I feel for you because for SO long I did too. it might take you a minute to get out, but you can at least start moving in that direction, and you may be surprised how the universe supports you in your efforts once you take the first step.
A long time ago, someone made a comment to me after I had gotten done speaking at an event. They commented on the friendships I had and the work I was doing in that community, and this person said “what you have is the real wealth. Love.” I didn’t quite understand him then. I always equated wealth with money-that monopoly bullshit a private bank sells to us with a debt attached to it that we use for everything - (soon to go digital, but I already wrote about that on my telegram channel so if you want to take a peek at that go there).
I understand what he meant now. All these experiences I’ve had, money has not bought any of it. It has come from forging new connections, even if it means showing up to something where you know nobody and putting yourself out there, and it also means utilizing connections you already have and asking for help if you need it. By help I do not mean money. It can literally mean, hey, I’m in this situation where I need to get connected with this community, or hey, I’m in a situation where I need housing ASAP, do you know of anyone who has a spare room they’re renting, etc. and odds are they’ll know one person, you go meet that person, that leads to meeting a handful of other people, and it branches out almost faster than you can keep up with (it actually has been faster than I can keep up with, my bad to the people that I take forever to text back to.)
So yeah, none of it has cost me a dime. Obviously I have to make money, but I can do that independently. Do I make a lot? no. but I make enough to where I’m not sleeping on the sidewalk, I make enough to where I can eat and have clean water to drink and put gas in my car. I don’t have a fancy job, I work gigs and side hustles and do contract work, there’s lots of ways to make money. I literally make $25+ an hour delivering food, and that’s not my only stream of income. But do I have a corporate job or some 9-5? Do I have a huge savings account and a bunch of bitcoin? Nope, and this is still possible.
You can start a new life, you can exit and build with others, with hardly any financial resources. Bare in mind your value goes far beyond what is in your bank account. You likely have skills you haven’t even acknowledged yet, and it’s never too late to learn more.
So you can email me, you can download telegram, I can connect you to shit, go to that website www.freedomcells.org if you’re interested in that, there’s also communities on there that are people who are focused on homesteading, theres intentional living communities, there’s farms, permaculture groups, its all people coming together to create a new life. You know we live in a backwards ass world when the general public considers that to be crazy or extremist or even dangerous. Question why that is. But you are not alone. I thought I was and then I realized there are people all over the planet coming together and building a new life. The thing that tripped me out the most, is that a lot of them have been doing this for a VERY long time, not just since covid/the lockdowns etc. but much longer.
I remember when I was 16 and I was first introduced to the shady ongoings on this planet. I remember attending small ass meetups in my hometown with my boyfriend and I remember us even trying to plan to get out of the country back then. (Not saying I’m now planning on leaving the country btw, some might be but I’m not, I’m building here.) But the point is, I remember us having that instinct all the way back then. Unfortunately, our lives went down a dark path. We eventually got separated, and he passed away recently. I have his bracelet that I wear every day, so he is still with me in a sense. I’ve had nights where I felt alone but had his bracelet with me, and I was like no, I’m not alone, he’s with me. Hold onto whatever you can, because you will have rough patches.
I’ve been in “rough patches” that were a seemingly endless hell for a huge majority of my life. But you come out of it one way or another. He is another reason why I do what I do. I know he still had the instinct to want to build away from where society was headed before he passed, and he was huge on community and bringing people together. That made him the most happy, connection with the collective. He’s not here physically to do it anymore, but his legacy, and the permanent imprint his consciousness made on mine from so many years together absolutely is.
Human connection really is the highest form of wealth. A friend of mine (more like a soul sister at this point) tells me that Relationship is the highest form of Yoga. That’s why there’s so much sickness and dis-ease in our society- we got it all backwards. Chasing individual accolades and material shit will kill your ability to form an authentic connection if it becomes your sole focus and obsession— but you’re told thats how you’re supposed to be from the jump. Again, that is by design. Community building is freedom in the physical sense yes, but if you’re able to get to the actual connection within it, it is freedom in a much deeper sense. It’s an inner freedom, a spiritual freedom that arises in the whole process. When hearts and minds open and connect, nothing is impossible.
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