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I know what you're hiding, because I hide it too.

The Divine masculine, the Divine feminine, disconnection to Spirit and the aversion of pain. Let's talk. There may be hope for us still.

There is a great disconnect. I don't want to write about it but I have to. In these late nights where I have an ocean of things to express, I put my music on and travel elsewhere. Its how I leave the matrix; the place where we are all scared but hide behind smiles or stoic faces, where we work jobs we hate, where we strive for our dreams and work ourselves to death and often end up homeless or barely living paycheck to paycheck, or maybe we get rich as fuck and wonder why we are still not fulfilled... no one ever has that sigh of relief of “I finally made it". The race never ends. There is more for us than this. And we are meant to have it. We are not meant to be kept in these invisible cages we have been conditioned to call life.

Cant blame the ones who brought us up or influenced us though, they had the same hypnosis. We are micro dosed with amnesia every day to forget who we are. Because if we knew, we’d know our purpose and power. And we would not be controllable. We would not be governable. There would be no hierarchies. There would be no inequality. The amount of power is, to me, unimaginable… unless I take some DMT or some shit. Haven't done that in a while. But that power can either be held by all, or it can be withheld by few, while the rest of us just… forget. We are given breadcrumbs for our labor and efforts and told that its the American dream. What is America? What is a dream? Whose dream was that? I didnt come up with the shit.

What is the hardest thing for you to do, truly? It usually boils down to connection. To have a true, TRUE connection with another human being tends to be the hardest thing for humans in this present day and society. On the level of the spirit, the lack of connection is what keeps us sick. Why is it that regardless of however we’re divided, by money, race, religion, gender, geographic location, whatever, that every single human can always relate to a love song, or a heartbreak song? Everyone struggles with a sustained authentic connection to another human, even people in partnerships. They get burned down. Some peopple run. Some peopple fight. Some people leech off of others, some people turn to ghosts, some abuse tthe shit out of people, some people love others but refuse to tell them and let them just pass by, some do all of the above. (I’m in the all of the above category) What lies beneath that?

Lack of connection to ourselves. How can I connect to you, if I dont even TRULY feel connected to myself? If I do not TRULY know who the fuck I am and stand in my full power? If I do not TRULY see my shadows, my fears, traumas, flaws, and do NOT run from it or bury it, but integrate and love it as part of who I am, and tools that can be alchemized to heal myself and others? If I do not do this, I am not connected to myself. We dont even know who the fuck we are if theres shit about us that deep down we hate, we judge, we hide.

We hide, often in plain sight. And then the masks eventually come off, and we feel betrayed by what we find in others, for we have created romanticized avatars of who they are… and when this happens, we created these avatars because we wanted them to fill a need in our lives, a need we should be filling for ourselves, and when they fail to do this impossible task, we burn it all down, we leave, and the other party is confused and heartbroken, filled with pain and poison, and thus a cycle begins. Its contagious and spreads throughout the population. People dont trust anymore. They have good reason not to. But where does that lead us?

Straight to hell basically. And yet we have stopped trusting because we have been to hell, often at the hands of others, often of our own making, usually its a blend of both. But if we can drown and “maintain” in this hellish matrix, this matrix thats was created, for it is not REAL, only in our minds, then cannot the same be said for a so called heaven? Yes, it can. Everything in our lives is dictated by our fucking beliefs. Everything we see in thtisi physical wordl began as a thought, feeling, or idea in the mind, the mental.

Deconstructing and unlearning is a brutal process that honestly I dont know if it ends, im no spiritual guru, ive been on this journey for 12 years and I still feel like im in the mud. People look at me from the outside, and knowing my story, say "oh my god how far youve come, how hard you work," I even had someone tell me I was unbreakable once which im like… alright.. not true, but maybe she’s right in the sense that I just cant seem to be killed off. Like a fucking roach. And I dont mean that in a bad way. Those little bastards used to live amongst me in my studio apartment in East Hollywood. I learned from their persistence. As nightly riots, gunshots, flash grenades and sirens turned to white noise for me, they were there, just… surviving… despite my attempts at trying to kill them and ward them off constantly. They just wouldnt die. I moved out, they’re still there. surviving. Which requires evolution in their ways as they constantly navigate around ours. Maybe we can learn from them. Anyway enough about the roaches. There is something admirable about them, just not when they’re in your shower, kitchen, bed, its not a good time when you wake up to bugs crawling all over your face. They got no fuckin respect. I want nothing to do with them, but I respect the fucking audacity of those creatures. Back to the point.

CONNECTION. I want to address these gender wars we’re having, and what the divine feminine and divine masculine are… to the best of my understanding. What I see is… well ive experienced enough pain for a million lifetimes to just grow old and be filled to the brim with a thirst for vengeance and resentment and rage, but who the fuck wants to live like that? Why would I give people that much power over me and my energy, which is the conductor of my fate? Not down.

I see hurt everywhere. And when I go through it, every person I hear always says “men are absolute trash. All of them.” Its constant. That is madness to me. We’re calling half of the planet trash. As much pain as a group may cause, there is a need for the divine evolved masculine, a great need for it, just as there is for the evolved, divine feminine. If one dies off, so does the other, and its curtains for the human race. If that happens, we deserve it. So lets try to pause for a fucking second here.

It didnt used to be that way. I have no idea what men say, other than the ones who come to me when they get their hearts broken. And guess what. They feel the same fucking way that women do when we get ours broken. They may express it differently because society has conditioned them differently, just as we have been conditioned a certain way, but we are all human. I dont know one person on earth to where if some magic fairy came into their life and said, hey, I can offer you a love in your life that will be healthy, sharpen the both of you as iron sharpens iron, you will be loved for who you are and you will love them with all your heart, and you will both grow together and become versions of yourselves you never imagined, I dont know anyone who would turn that shit down. I dont care how fuckin tough you are or hardened you are, no ones turning that shit down. If you say you would, youre lying to yourself.

Its really uncomfortable and somewhat sickening to admit that you want love in your life, and that the absence of it hurts. It does. What hurts even more is having someone in your life but the love isnt love, its just…. robotic attachment, rollercoaster toxic bullshit, you will feel more alone in those dynamics than you will in having no dynamic at all. Those are absolute prisons. And I say this as someone who has lost their physical freedom, and who has lost about one third of my existence on this earth to the enslavement of addiction, and the paralyzing nightmare of what modern medicine refers to as mental illness. I know what a prison is.

It doesn’t always come with an inmate number, but they’ll both put your life to a halt in a snow globe of misery, while the world spins on without you. Time is wasting, life is leaving you, and you stay stuck…. On the INSIDE looking out. Trapped in the snow globe. Shattering that snow globe is what frees us… but shattering is what we spend most of our time trying to avoid… so… now we have a collective that really cant connect. A collective that needs other people to guide them on how to love their own selves. A collective that needs other people to tell them how to connect to others and that needs other people how to tell them how to live their lives, when in reality those people probably have no fucking clue what they’re doing either. Maybe they do, but everyone has their own journey. Its not a one generic formula. If it was, we’d all have followed it by now.

There is no guide to life. We all have completely unique purposes here, so why would our awakenings all be the same? Why would our paths look anything like what the next persons does, even if they are ultimately leading to the same destination? The shoulds, the why’s, the questioning, the burdens we put on ourselves. They are worth examining. They are worth questioning.

Im doing my best to stay on track.

The divine feminine, and the divine masculine.

This weird gender war, I see it rooted in one “side” having the power over the other, and that creates a rubber band effect where the other side will hate the other and eventually retaliate. We’re seeing that now. we cant control everyone, some people might not be here on this earth to evolve. Their purpose, unbeknownst to them, might be to serve as the energy that triggers the fuck out of everyone else and causes tons of wreckage, and in that wreckage lie the seeds of evolution that one needs.

I once had someone tell me, and this is not on some religious shit, the word “God” used here is just this persons perception of a power greater than themselves.. but this person told me, “God breaks the heart over and over again until it remains open.” I was like well fuck, thats not gonna happen. But you know what tho I think it will. I have to consent to it obviously. Right now im kinda closed off but when you put on some Santo and Johnny, or some blues, or some lofi, give me a cigarette and a dark night, lord you will see a side of me that almost no one has. Why? Well the ppl ive shown it to have been some of the people who have hurt me most, and I dont know if it was calculated (in most cases I doubt it) or if it was just the simple fact that the wider open you are, the deeper an arrow of betrayal can pierce you. I do not align myself with any religion, nor have I read the Bible in its entirety, but there is a dope quote in there that I think addresses this predicament, and the importance of having boundaries, because we get wrecked when we dont. And you now what, sometimes we get wrecked when we do too, cuz we can get fooled, or maybe the person wasnt fooling us, maybe they were just being human. But it says, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” … now tell me you cant relate to that shit.

So we could use that as ammo of calling everyone swine or nowadays the word is trash, (“all men are trash” type quote) but that warning isnt talking about the other person, that warning, or even instruction, is addressed to the reader. So the first thing would be to connect to our own holiness and divinity, and then to be responsible and respectful enough of it, of ourselves, to not just throw it out to someone who may be an extremely wounded or in some cases evil individual who is not on the same frequency you are on. There are a lot of pieces of shit out there that cant see beyond their own self serving interests and have warped views on how people should be treated used and controlled that it can make you homicidal just thinking about these people…

But the blame is on us, if we are throwing ourselves around (I do not mean this sexually, and I am not addressing women in this statement, this is to everyone) the blame is on us if we are careless with ourselves, because if we are careless with ourselves, not only are we not in touch with ourselves (we’d never be careless with ourselves if we truly knew how powerful and sacred we are) but we wouldnt have the need to throw ourselves around blindly at all, because that void that we feel when we arent connected to ourselves, we use other people or drugs or vices of any kind to fill.

The novocaine behavior we use to dodge whatever existential crisis we’ve got going on always wares off, which is how addictions are formed. You have to keep repeating it, endlessly. You dont have to be a junkie to do that. How many times a day do you check your phone? Its a weird connection device that robs authentic connection, we all become avatars there. Ive met plenty of people as friends over social media and developed relationships with them, but when I met them in person, 9 times out of 10 they were nothing like what they were over the phone, and usually it was for the worst. Not because they are bad people, its because they arent who they presented themselves to be, often for long periods of time. Why are we hiding? We’re afraid to get hurt. It always boils down to that.

But back to the necessity of the feminine and masculine energies and why they are NECESSARY, and why they are torn apart. Heres the deal.

Its all this power struggle, of who has the power. Oh, the men have to take their power back, they’re being emasculated. Oh, the women need to take their power back, they’re being disrespected. Heres the lie: the concept of “sides”. Men dont need to take their power back, women dont need to take their power back, men and women together ARE the power. That IS the power. The masculine and feminine are necessary for the survival of the humanity. It is the balancing energy, which can be found within one human even, you dont have to be a biological female to have masculine energy, you dont have to be a biological male to have feminine energy, we all have both mixed within us. But there ARE differences to them, and they are both sacred, both necessary, and the reason why they are different is because they are meant to work together to support each other. Its like joining two campfires to make a fucking inferno.

One is intuitive, healing, gentle, highly empathetic and often psychic, very nurturing, the other is very protective, strong (they are both strong, just in different ways), will hold shit the fuck down, will provide safety. Both energies are leaders, but in different areas of life. The helm is shared. If you embody said divine feminine energy, and have the power to heal, should you not be protected while you devote your energy to doing so? Because you live in a world of absolute madness, so you do need a form of protection. Right now most of us are relying on ourselves, in an every man for themselves type of world.

If you embody an energy of a protector, of a provider in the material realm (this does not mean having money), whereas the other is a provider in the spiritual realm, are you not deserving of having access to that healing and advancement? Both have roles equally important and valuable, you cannot separate the two. When combined, you create an unstoppable force in which every party directly involved is healed and made stronger. Like I said, iron sharpens iron, and just as pain is, that type of power and love is contagious.

That energy permeates the lives of others. It gives hope, it gives direction, it provides a space for us to fucking grow and evolve. Right now humanity is going down the shitter fast, and I honestly wouldnt be surprised if the people who have been going off about AI replacing humans in the near future end up being right at this rate. I mean shit I see it at my job all the time. Little things here and there that I used to be paid to do are now done by electronics that some billionaire owns. The need for me, little worker bee, is becoming more and more obsolete. Well I didnt incarnate on this earth to be a worker bee working for some corporation that couldn’t give two fucks about me and doesnt even know who I am, yet I devote the majority of my waking hours to making that company or employer money? Fuck that. And what of this weird ass world where everyone is so scared and evasive of one another, you can literally live your entire life without ever having to leave your house or have human contact now.

The trick is how to escape it completely. Tons of people have. But we need to really amp this shit up. I look around me and I see misery, even behind the smiles. I see the pain. I see suffering. Im not on some doomsday depressive shit, its just what I see. To only want to see love light and positivity everywhere you go is just burying your head in the sand. Just see what the fuck is there! The infection within the heart of humanity will not go away because your head turns.

But I understand why one would want to, as it is far too daunting a task to take on yourself. It’ll swallow you the fuck up if you dont have the proper training on how to shield your energy. If youre not even connected to yourself, youre gonna fuck yourself up real quick. So again, it brings me back to the call for us to fucking recognize, these constructs of “sides’, whether it be gender, race, whatever, if power is constantly something struggled for and only one “side” has it, it is no power at all. It is suffering and war, and a wasted life, even if you benefit from it. You dont truly benefit. Not like you would if we all realized that we, as a working unit, ARE the power.

But instead of working together, we work against. We step on necks. We want to be in control, on top, and yet again it all boils down to that one insecurity. We are afraid of pain. Even if we’ve lived lives of trauma and torture, there is still the protective instinct within us that will go to some pretty fuckin creative lengths to avoid the possibility of pain that being vulnerable might bring. Whats funny through is that in doing so, we actually create way more pain.

We create these avatars of self and lie to ourselves and eachohter, have no idea who the fuck we are, treat eachother like shit, run from ourselves and eachother, and then blame everyone else but ourselves. Fuck the blaming. Someone once told me, “it doesnt matter how the horse got its ass stuck in the mud, get it the fuck out.” We get so fucking stagnant on debating the stupidest shit. We are missing what is right infront of us. We are the power.

The masculine energy in the universe is needed. It is one that answers to the call of responsibility and the preservation and protection of all that is sacred in life. It is one that demands integrity and sets an example for future generations. It is noble. The feminine energy is life giving and nurturing, it is healing, it is enchanting, beautiful, it is unconditional love and creation. It is holy.

But when you take one group of people and place them in a position of power over another, in unevolved human nature, people cant help themselves. When someone is broken they need external power over another person just to feel like they’re even at base level. This turns holy into hostile, into bitterness, into self hatred, into rage and destruction. This turns the noble and the protective into deception, weakness, selfishness and immaturity. For the kids and the future generations… they didnt ask for this shit. This stupid game we all play, it affects more than just us. Is this the world we want to pass on? Do you think this is the world our ancestors wanted for us?

Each person can only change themselves…and that is an indescribable journey and feat. But of course it is possible. It just has to be recognized and prioritized. Then shit seems to flow. You start to see adversity as springboards for advancement, because they are. There are lessons in EVERYTHING. But if we keep missing them, the lessons of the universe are very loyal. They will not leave until we learn them.

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